Train of Thought
by Calysra
Summary: Sleepless, but not restless, Sokka lies still and lets his thoughts carry him away. But what conclusion do they lead him to? He might figure it out all on his own. No interaction Tokka.


**Where a train of thought can take you...**

While everyone else was asleep, Sokka was awake, thinking. No, he wasn't an insomniac or anything of that sort. This was just turning out to be one of those nights that make it hard to go to sleep. He didn't feel particularly exhausted, anyways. It had been weeks since Aang defeated Ozai. The gang had gotten plenty of rest and healing since then. Sokka occupied his wakefulness with a long stream of wonderings, thoughts, and ideas.

He started off thinking about the stars. The little pinpricks of twinkling light baffled him. What were they? Surely they had to be some sort of fire, or maybe something like the glowing stuff in glowflies, except that they weren't that bright…

His thoughts took an abrupt turnaround when a great gray cloud scudded from the sky when pushed by a sudden wind, and Yue's light came pouring down on the young warrior. He stared into the depths of the great white moon. Yue… He was still sad, even now. It had been a long time since he'd last seen her, since her body dissipated into the air even as he held it. A long time ago… He had Suki, now, he reminded himself. Suki was brave and kind, and there. Yue was the moon. Sokka would always regret that he wasn't able to protect her, but Suki was there now. She'd taught him on the Serpent's Path, though. She intended to protect him, not the other way around. Sure, he'd saved her from the fire nation prison, but as soon as she was out, it seemed, she was fighting for herself. She had even saved his life, and Toph's, when she put a fire nation war balloon under where they dangled.

He shuddered as he thought of that day. They'd been separated from Suki. The only thing Toph had was him. As much as she teased him for forgetting she was blind in normal situations, it was the first thing on his mind in danger like that. When Toph was truly blind, he had to protect her. He had to save her.

For a moment, Sokka struggled to define his feelings for Toph. At times she was infuriating, but when it came down to life or death, he put himself between the girl and the danger as often as he could. Was it an overactive sense of brotherly protectiveness, cultured by his very own sister, Katara? It couldn't have been just a brotherly thing, though. He'd felt the same towards Yue, the same towards Suki. All of them, he tried to protect, tried to keep safe; tried to adhere to that same old rule: guy protects girl. It was how he was raised. Men went to war, the women and children stayed home. Right?

But Toph, he'd known her longer than both of his first girlfriends combined, he realized. Living with her, and seeing firsthand the damage she could cause, he didn't worry about her. Unless they were in a situation where he knew she couldn't see, he left her to herself.

Did that mean he cared about her less?

Well, no, he thought. He cared about Toph a lot. She was his best friend. He'd never really had many friends, really. All the boys in his village had been a little older than him, and had gone off with the rest of the warriors. Sokka had grown up with his little sister and the younger kids in the village. Katara had been the only other one in the village his age. And she'd been his mother as much as she'd been his sister.

Then there was Aang, but Sokka thought he was too unpredictable. And he'd first attached to Katara, of course. Sokka hadn't been the nicest host to Aang, casting him out of the tribe like he did. Plus it had been embarrassing later when Aang came back and showed him up by taking out Zuko. Sometimes, Sokka though, Aang was a little bit of a show-off. Not on purpose, really, but he was just truly talented. Even Katara had gotten a bit jealous when he'd easily showed her up at waterbending that first time.

Sokka took a moment to look back at his train of thought, and jumped back on at an earlier point.

Unlike Aang, Toph was predictable. When she first became part of the gang, Sokka knew he'd found someone who could truly be _his _friend. Not just a travelling companion. At first, she acted the same around everyone. Then, almost simultaneously, she and he discovered that the other was also a true believer in sarcasm, and the bantering began, to the annoyance or amusement of the others. Katara and Aang could sugar coat everything anyway they liked, but Sokka and Toph would always be the masters of skepticism. They were the sarcastic geniuses, if you will.

She _understood _him, and that was all there was to it.

Sokka growled to himself. He still hadn't answered his question.

How did he _feel_ about her?

He appreciated her. He wanted her around. He enjoyed their banters. When she gave that small, genuine smile that meant she was about to win, or the even rarer smile of true joy, like when he'd given her that bit of space rock. She was his best friend, and he thought she would say the same. But still…

There was that unexplainable protectiveness he felt about her, about any girl he shared more than a couple of sentences with. But he'd come about it with Toph a little differently. When he first encountered her, she was kicking butt in an earth tournament. He feared her at first, as much as he didn't want to admit it. She was respect worthy.

Respect.

Had he respected Yue? Suki? When he'd met Suki, he was sure a girl couldn't beat him. She had to prove she could. Yue never offered the challenge, but Sokka tried to protect her from her overbearing traditions, and then from giving her life to the moon spirit. As soon as he'd met them, or any girl, he felt the need to protect them. It was just the thing, what was it called? Chivalry? He was a guy and they were girls, and it was his duty to protect them. He failed at the North Pole. When he reencountered Suki, he tried even harder to perform his duty, and Suki had to prove to him, again, that she could take care of herself. Mostly when he realized that she only came along to protect _him. _

But still. It was _duty_?

His mind came full circle back to Toph. So then, where did the protectiveness for her come from?

He'd _lived _with her. He knew her faults and failures. He knew her strengths and weaknesses. He knew her abilities. When they'd met, she'd made it clear to him right away that she didn't need protecting. She'd defeated the earth benders herself and by herself. He'd known he was outmatched. He even kept Aang from helping her. They'd only have gotten in her way.

She didn't need help running away from home, either. He hadn't had to convince her or carry her out. She stood up on her own two feet and brought herself out. She made her own decisions.

So, when had he decided to start protecting her?

He knew… he knew it wasn't from duty. His chivalry took the form of charm. He realized suddenly, that he fell in love quite quickly. He flirted with Suki the day they met. He fell in love with Princess Yue before he even knew she was a princess, or that she would even give him a second glance. Then, meeting back up with Suki, they were suddenly more than friends.

And it all stemmed from his original protective stance. The "I can take care of you" vibe. He was strong, and manly.

But that's not what Toph cared about, anyways. She just wanted someone to joke with, to laugh with (and _at_, occasionally). Toph didn't care about appearances. Her wants and needs fit snuggly with his. Meat, sarcasm, entertainment, and comfort. The rest was frivolous. She didn't ask for his chivalry, and she didn't need it. She would probably reject it outright if he offered it.

Again he came back to the original question.

Why? Why did he offer her protection, when, most of the time, she didn't need it?

Maybe… he pondered. Maybe because she does. She's shown him, at least a few times, that she is occasionally sensitive, and maybe has a couple of emotions that she doesn't show everyone. Maybe she's shown that she can get hurt, and she can get her feelings hurt. She hides it. She hides it well, but it's there.

So when Zuko accidently burned her feet, he made sure he was there.

When they stumbled over the metal hull of an airship, with shrapnel raining down, and she couldn't see, he made sure he was there.

When she dangled from his fingertips, and that tear rolled down her cheek, he held on as tight as he could. He couldn't let her down. She'd never let him down. The hundreds of times that something threatened to end his life, she never let him down. Even when he himself was protecting another girl, Toph had his back. Like the landslide on the Serpent's Path. He'd pushed Suki out of the way, but it was Toph who kept the rocks from crushing him. Toph was steady and sure, and didn't ask for protection from anyone.

But she was only twelve. And sometimes he wondered if, deep inside, she was just like any other girl, and truly did want chivalry, and a guy to protect her. He wondered if she would appreciate it if he tried, even if, on the outside, she got mad and punched him.

And he wondered if he could treat her like any other girl.

Of course not. She wasn't just any girl. She was Toph. She could take care of herself.

But maybe even girls who can take care of themselves like, sometimes, to be taken care of. As long as it isn't like her parents did it. They assumed she was fragile and helpless. They hadn't even taken the time to understand.

He understood.

He wondered, then. He wondered if she would let him be protective of her if he did it knowing full well that she could take care of herself.

He wondered if she would appreciate it if he did it because he wanted to, not because it was something he did automatically, as a duty. Because she deserved it, not because it was expected of him.

And he wondered if that was the true definition of love.

And he drifted off to sleep.

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Yeah, just thought I write out a train of thought for Sokka. Some food for thought, really. I think there is actually a surprising amount of evidence in the show for a relationship between the blind earthbender and the young watertribe warrior. Really. It's not in the small touches or Toph's crush, or her hanging on to him, or his cluelessness. It's all about how Sokka approaches relationships, and how he relates to girls. All he needs is a clear sleepless night to think all this through, and maybe, just maybe, he'll finally understand. Without a mushy confession from Toph, without his sister cluing him in, none of that. Sokka's a smart guy. If he'd just think it through, it would make sense to him.

And as much as I love the fluffly Tokka stuff, I think this is where it truly begins for them.

Alternate Universe fics, however, are completely different stories.

Is the tense weird? Should I change it over to first person, or is it better to keep it this way? And there's like, two lines in present tense, while the rest are in past tense. My apologies.

Let me know what you think of this!


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